June 2022 Newsletter | The Overwhelming State of Everything (Or, How Valuing Close Relationships Makes Us Happier)

Posted May 27, 2022

If you looked at any newspaper on pretty much any given day, you would be excused for thinking the world was about to end. War, murder, disease, economic distress, supply shortages, disappearing civil and social rights, and just a general feeling of doom permeate daily existence. All of that is on top of the grind of simply making it through each day, of taking care of our needs and the needs of our families, friends, colleagues, customers, and everyone else in our lives. 

When the world is such an overwhelming place, it’s easy (and normal) to feel upset, lost, and even helpless. However, existing in those states of distress for too long negatively affects our well-being, which means that we need to cultivate positive areas in our lives that enable us to cope with the hard things. 

We’ve looked at the importance of developing values in life a few times in this newsletter this year: by identifying what we value most, we can prioritize activities that serve those values, leading to more satisfaction and less anxiety about where we should focus our efforts. As we’ve previously discussed, values are very individual and should be things that each person determines for her/his/themself. Bearing that in mind, there is still one value that researchers find tends to impart huge benefits: developing and caring for close relationships. 

The 2019 volume of Cross-Cultural Advancements in Positive Psychology (eds: M. Demir & N. Sümer), titled “Close Relationships and Happiness across Cultures, compiles research from five continents (10 countries) on this topic. From Angola to Turkey, from Asia to South America, while there are cultural variations, human well-being is deeply tied to close relationships. And while we often elide the idea of a “relationship” with romantic connections, the research in this publication also looks at the effects of parent-child relationships, friendships, and relationships with relatives including grandparents. Relationships that nurture us can take many forms.

So having close relationships in our lives is a great thing—but what if you are currently in a place where you don’t have any relationships that you feel meet that standard or have difficulty maintaining relationships once they have deepened? Just because we know something is beneficial doesn’t mean that it’s easy to attain or maintain. In a sense, that may be part of the point. Things in our lives that take effort to achieve and retain are often what bring us the most meaning and satisfaction. Our investment in them is part of what makes them valuable.

If you struggle with close relationships you are certainly not alone. The great thing, though, is that having better relationships is not a mysterious and random talent but instead a learnable skill set. This is a great place to bring in a therapist for counseling as an individual, with one or more more family members, with a romantic partner or partners, or even for a platonic relationship that you would like to improve. A therapist can help you better understand where you currently struggle with relationships and work with you to build the skills needed to improve. 

As we stumble through a confusing and often distressing world, it is usually the people that we care most deeply about that help us find ways to cope with—and find joy in—each passing day. 

_____
We’re here to help! Feel free to reach out to a CCP therapist or to a therapist trained to help with developing relationships.