December 2022 Newsletter | Using the 5 R’s of Mindfulness This Holiday Season
Posted November 28, 2022
By Samarah Cook, MSW Clinical Intern
Many people have heard this before — the holidays can be joyous and happy but also riddled with stress and obligation. Instead of only aiming to experience the positive feelings of the holidays, it’s important to not ignore the negative feelings and to instead think about ways to be proactive. Mindfulness can be a great technique to manage stress and anxiety and turn to the parts of your life you can control.
Mindfulness has become a buzz word these days and many people conflate it to mean meditation and sitting in silence with one’s thoughts. While this is a part of it, mindfulness can be defined as being in the present moment without judgement. It is an overall awareness of one’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Concentrating your entire being on one activity or focusing on your breathe are both examples of ways to practice mindfulness in your day to day.
Mindfulness is also a powerful way to help you feel grounded in times you feel out of control or disempowered. By observing your mind and the feelings and sensations that accompany how you’re feeling, it can help you react in an empowering way. Before you sit at the family table with your relative that has different politics than you or if you’re choosing to spend the holidays alone, being aware of your thoughts, emotions, and accompanying behaviors can prove to be helpful in negating ancillary negative feelings. You can do this using the 5 pillars of mindfulness which are: Recognize, Relax, Review, Respond, and Return.
Recognize. Recognize your thoughts and your own internal dialogue when you’re caught up in negative, fear-based thinking. Accept both the pleasant and not so pleasant feelings you may be experiencing. Do not wish for the unpleasant feelings to go away and for the pleasant ones to last longer; simply accept and recognize what’s going on in your mind and body. For example, you may be at your family home and feeling anxious. Tune into those feelings and try to specify. What does the anxiety feel in your body? Do you feel like your mind is riddled with negative thoughts? Are you predicting future outcomes? Try to specify and be aware of what you are feeling in that moment of being with your family.
Relax. Explore ways to slow down, connect with your breath, and relax your mind and body. Perhaps you notice your jaw is clenched or your body is tense. Try to release any holding of tension and let go of controlling the situation. Once you recognize your anxiety, turn inwards and try to relax. Perhaps try a breathing exercise or a muscle relaxation technique. Or, dive into the activity you’re doing, such as cooking or setting the table. How does the silverware feel in your hand? Take each step mindfully and slowly to help turn your attention inward.
Review. What can I control? What can I change (and not change)? Do I have a choice? These are all helpful questions to go through in your mind as you assess how you are feeling. Why am I feeling this way? Am I anxious to see a particular family member? Am I mind-reading and predicting what some people may be thinking about me in the present moment? Assess what is in your control and try to let go. You cannot control what other people think about you.
Respond. Practice responding from your deepest, wisest self while letting go of worry or stress about past or future situations. Are there things you can feel grateful for in this moment? Instead of worrying about the past or future, what can you do in the present that is authentic and helpful for yourself? Try to spend time with the people you want to see or take time for yourself when it gets too overwhelming.
Return. Check in with yourself and bring awareness to the present moment. How am I feeling now that I’ve done the above? Do I feel better? Was it only for an instant? What can I do that is helpful for future moments? Assessing how mindfulness helped you and putting it in your back pocket for future situations can be immensely helpful to reduce anxiety and stress before it comes on.